something to look at

http://www.hypnotize-someone.com/minds.htm

http://www.hypnosisnow.com/how_to_hypnotize.htm

http://www.hypnosisblacksecrets.com/how-to-hypnotize/how-to-hypnotize-anyone-can-you-do-it

RISIKO (a love story written by me)

RISIKO

Ceh! Deorang ingat deorang boleh buat main ke dengan cinta? Deorg ingat deorg bleh main-main ke dengan perkataan ‘sayang’? Deorang ingat couple-couple ni boleh buat suka-suka hati ke? Bodoh betul budak-budak muda ni sume. Deorg sume tak tau yg percintaan tu adalah permulaan suatu perpisahan… deorg tak tau akan bahaya yg mendatang. Bila mereka melompat ke alm percintaan, deorg telah ambil satu risiko. Risiko yg mengundang satu perasaan yg lebih perit dari cemburu atau curiga, perasaan yg bleh mengubah seluruh pendirian kita, perasaan yang bleh mmbuat kita bukan lagi diri kita sendiri. Perasaan itu – Patah Hati.

Ye.. aku mcm deorg jgak dulu. Dengan penuh rasa ingin tahu, dgn penuh rasa tidak peduli, dgn penuh kebodohan, aku melangkah ke alm percintaan. Dia sgt cantik. Aku ingat lagi masa mule2 aku Nampak die. Mcm seorg puteri raja…. Die akn dduk kat meja mkn tepi tingkap restoran yg sama smbil menaip sesuatu dgn laptop die, buku2 yg terbuka ade kat sekeliling die dan die akn rujuk buku2 tu sebelum kembali menaip. Mmg mcm seorg puteri. Dan aku benci puteri mcm tu. Die ank org kaya. Sah2 akn dpt segala yg die nak. Aku plak ayah tinggalkan mak aku smpai mak aku terpaksa buat kerja terkutuk utk terus bela aku! Aku benci ayh aku! Tak lama lepas tu, aku sedar yg aku mula mmbenci sume org kat sekeliling aku mcm seolah2 dunia ni, cuma aku je yg tau erti penderitaan… tp perempuan tu, yg dduk kat meja mkn dan kelihatan gembira tu, mungkin lebih byk memderita dari aku…

Ini cerita tentang aku. Tentang pengorbanan, patah hati, kasih sayang dan yg lebih penting, ia mengajar kita tentang risiko sesuatu perkata. Tak kira ape yg kita buat, sentiasa ade akibatnye sama ade elok atau pun tak. Tp sentiasa ade blasan utk setiap tindakan kite. Dan lelaki bodoh mcm aku ni akan mnceritakan kisahnye dari seorg yg tak bergune kpd aku sekarang yg lebih matang wlaupun masih sedikit bodoh. Hahahah!

~~~~

Die mmg cantik. Nampak gayanye mcm ank org kaya. Ade laptop, fon 3g, ipod… ah bencinye! Lebih lagi sebenarnye, aku cemburu. Ye,aku cemburu. Aku slalu perhatikan die dr luar restoran tu.bagus jgak ye die sll plih utk dduk kat tepi tingkap yg same setiap kali. Tp niat aku perhatikan die bukan sbb aku nak jatuh cinta ke ape. Aku nak… rompak die! Org yg bleh dpt segala yg deorg nak ni kene diajar cket, biar deorg tau makna kehilangan…

Da 3 minggu straight aku perhatikan die. Aku da tau rutin die. Die akan dtg ke restoran tiap2 kali lebih kurang dlm pkul 3ptg dan akn blik dlm pkul 6 @ 6.30ptg. die akn jln ikut banggunan area shopping mall tu. pastu die akn lalu lorong blakang, jln pintas tu ke rumah die (target for attack time!). Rumah die yg kat kawasan perumahan banglo2 mewah tu (aku da agak dah!) dan setiap kali aku tgk diemasuk ke kawasn tu, aku cemburu. Aku tak dpt terus ikut die sbb kwsn tu ade pakgad. Aku just mampu tgk je puteri raja tu masuk ke kawasn istana die ke arah mahligai indah yg takkan mengecewakan. Die agak sengal sbb slame ni die tak pnah pun perasan yg aku sll perhati dan mengekori die. Bodoh! Ank org kaya mmg bodoh kot. Aku mst dpt byk duit kali ni…

Operation begins! Sebaik je die masuk lorong blakang tu,aku terus dekat dgn die dan tolak die kuat2 ke dinding. Aku kluarkan pisau dan ugut die mcm pro,”nyawa atau duit!” die cpt2 kluarkan purse die dan bg kat aku..

“amek je sume duit dlm tu. Jgn amek kad pengenalan aku sudah!” Die ckp.

Ah! Mcm la aku bodoh sgt pmpuan ni! “Aku nk buat ape dgn ic kau?!” aku jerkah dan aku cpt2 tarik beg die. Buku2 die berterabur di ats lantai.

“Buku aku!” Die jerit. “Bodoh!! Ko nak sgt duit, ko amek jer la duit! Jgn kacobuku2 aku!! Ni nyawa aku, hidup aku,kekasih aku!” wah mrh betol nmpaknye minah ni. Giler obsess ngn buku2 die beb. Die lekas2 kutep buku2 die.

“bg aku laptop ko.” Aku ckp.

Die tgk aku dgn penuh geram. “ko ni tak bersyukur langsung! Aku da bg duit kan? Jgn kaco laptop aku. Sume keje2 aku kat dlm tu penting! Penting tau tak?! Ko mmg nak kene!”

Itulah hari yang plg bersejarah dlm hidup aku. Die yg blasah aku dgn dasyatnye. Aku patah tulang rusuk dan tak kurang juga beberapa tempat yg lain berbalut kain putih. Sakit, sakit. Aku mnyesal mintak laptop die atau kacobuku2 die. Rupanya tough chick minah tu. Tp yg plg aku ingat, ayat2 die mase die blasah aku. “ko nak jd ape, hah? Tak reti bersyukur ke dgn ape yg tuhan da bg?! Ko ade kaki,ade tgn, ade mulut, sihat walafiat! Buat la bende yg berfaedah dgn sume tu! Bahlul!!! Bahlul ke-tiga belas!!!!” tp yg ironiknye. Sume duet dlm purse die, die masukan dlm poket aku sblm die pg. “jd la org yg berguna slagi ko msh bleh bernyawa.” Itu ayt die yg terakhir. Aku tak tau knape tp wkt tu, ayat tu mcm imej yg turun dr hati die dan bertukar kepada kata dgn penuh nota kesedihan.

~~~~~

Bile aku da sihat, aku perhatikan die lg dr luar restoran yg sama. Die msh mcm tu. Msh obsess dgn buku2 die, dgn laptop die. Mungkin betul ckp die, tu sume nyawa die… aku rasa perasaan benci dan cemburu yg aku rasa sebelum ni da berkembang menjadi satu perasaan yg baru. Perasaan yg mudah dtang tp susah untuk pergi – cinta. Mungkin rasa ni susah utk pergi sbb org yg aku cinta tu adalh die. Die lain… dan sblm aku sedar akn kenyataan, akn bahaya yg mendatang, aku telah hanyut…

Memandangkan aku telah hanyut, aku telah mengambil satu langkah yg baru menuju ke arah kebahagiaan dan juga… kesengsaraan. Aku mula buat kerja sambilan kat restoran tu. Aku berhenti sekolah sbb aku tak pandai pun dlm blajar dan aku taknak mak aku buat bende yg tak sepatutnye lagi utk aku. Aku akn tanggung mak aku dan diri aku sendiri. Mak aku menagis bile aku buat keputusan mcm tu. Die nk aku ade masa depan. Ape yg aku ckp kat mak aku? Dgn ikhlas, “Aiman pun nak mak ade masa depan. Kite same2 bleh capai masa depan yg cerah kan? Tak adil untuk mak. Aiman taknak mak menderita lagi. Selama ni kita berdua Cuma mnderita. Kite kene gembira. Ayah gembira kat luar sana kan? Mana adil klu kite pun tak gembira.” Mak aku nanges lebih teruk lepas tu. Aku tak pasti kenapa tp aku terus berada di sisi die waktu tu.

Nampaknye die tak ingat aku. Da byk kali aku serve die, amek order die. Die mcm tak ingat aku je.. aku ade la rasa sikit kecewa. Tp kan… lg bagus klu die tak ingt kan? Aku cube rompak die kan? So,klu die tak ingat pun lg bagus. Bleh start dr awl dgn lbih baik. Heheheh.

“ape yg ko tulis tu?” aku tnye die bile aku anta mknan die. Die akn sentiasa order bende yg sama. (nani desu ne?omotta na!). tiap kali die dtg, bile aku nak amek order die akan ckp ‘mcm biasa…’ dan tak lama lepas tu aku plak akn tnye ‘mcm biase lg eh?’ . da jd kebiasaan… mungkin hubungan aku ngn die da ade sedikit peningkatan? Aku tersenyum bile aku pikir mcm tu.

“Novel…” die kate.

“cerita psl ape?” aku tanye lg.

“psl kesunyian, kesedihan, dan kesengsaraan.” Die kate dan hati aku agaksakit bile aku dgr sume tu. Adakah ape yg die ckp tu ade menggambarkan sedikit tentang diri die sndiri?

“bagus jgak genre mcm tu. Bleh aku baca bileko da siap?” aku tnye.

“of course!” die ckp dan tersenyum manis.

Aku pun senyum. Aku mmg da nak blah dari situ tp ade lg satu yg aku rasa aku ptt ckp pd die. Klu betul sume tu yg die rasa, die tak keseorgan. Aku sendiri pun ade kisah aku masa aku sunyi,masa aku sedih,dan juga masa aku sengsara. Cuma yg berbeza Cuma situasi itu. Dan jenis kesengsaraan yg kami lalui mungkin berbeza. Tp klu kami sama2 sengsara, km tak bersendirian la kan? Sbb aku ade dan die pun ade. Rasa sengsara tu bleh satukan kita… “sunyi,sedih,sengsara… sume org pun akn lalui semua tu kan?” aku ckp dgn penuh makna tersendiri.

Die senyumlg,lebih manis kali ni dan seolah2 spt die akn menangis. “terima kasih.” Itu je yg die ckp. Mungkin die phm maksud aku.

~~~~~

Aku dgn die da jd kwn. Nama die Zulaika. Cantik kan nama tu? km berkongsi mcm2 cerita. Aku cerita kisah hidup aku, tentang ayh aku, tentang mak aku. Dan aku pun makin tau tentang die yg mmbuatkan aku rasa kehilangan wlaupun die msih ade di dpn mata aku. Die takde mak atau ayah. Sume keluarga die dah meninggal kerana satu penyakit keturunan. Die yg terakhir. Die tak bgtau aku tp aku dapat agak yg die juga menghidap penyakit yg sama. Die ckp die akn mengakhiri sumpahan keluarga die dgn kemtian die. Die taknak lagi org seterusnye menderita.mungkin sebab itu kot die sll bersendirian?

Kenapa? Kenapa akumsh berada di sisi perempuan ni? Sedangkan aku tau suatu hari nnt aku dan die akn pasti berpisah. Tp tak ape. Slagi masa msh mengizinkan kami bersama,walaupun sekejap, aku nak bersama dgn die.

“Aiman,sbb tu la aku ckplaptop aku tu penting tau? Mcm nyawa aku.” Zulaika berkata dan ketawa girang. Bile plak die ckp sume tu kat aku eh? Jap! Masa…aku… rompak die dulu kan?!

“Wah! Bagusnye memori kau eh? Ko ingt lg eh? Hehehe.” Aku ketawa dgn tidak ikhlas utk nak menutup rasa malu aku.klakar betul. Mst die tau…

“tapi kan… aku tak rasa sunyi lagi. Ko kan ade.” Ayat die buatkan aku gembira. Tapi luka juga semakin mmbesar did lm hati aku sbb aku tau ruang di antara aku dgn die semakin luas dan masa antara kami semakin singkat.

~~~~~~

Dunia ni… klu aku nak kate dunia ni kejam tak adil jgak sbb dunia ni penah bg aku kegembiraan masa aku sgt perlukan. Dan kegembiraan yg aku rasa tu sgt indah.akumungkin takkan rasa ‘gembira’ ni sampai bile2 tpmemori yg ade semasa ‘gembira’ tu ade akn sentiasa ade. Dan klu semata2 dpt ingat je pun memori tentang Zulaika, kata2 die, aku dah cukup gembira…

“Ika,aku sayang ko.” Aku berkata. Masa tu die dah terlantar kat hospital. Die Nampak mcm biasa tapi aku tau die mendderita. Malah untuk bercakap saja pun akn memakan byk tenaga jadi aku tak pnah tnye die ape2 soalan. Aku Cuma akn bercerita je kat die tentang ape yg aku buat tiap2 hari. Die akn sentiasa senyum bile aku melawat die. Nurse2 pun ckp yg Zulaika Cuma Nampak gembira bile aku dtg. Sbb tu la aku sll dtg. Aku dtg bile aku da abes keje tiap2 hari teman die. Kdg2 aku bwk mak aku dtg skali. Mak aku pun sukakan die. Waktu aku ckp aku syang die sebenarnya aku ingin bgtau die yg aku sygkan die lebih dari seorg kwn, lebih dr seorg kekasih, lebih dari… diri aku sendiri.

Tapi die cume menyebut nama aku dan tersenyum. Senyuman kau manis, Zulaika tp air mata kau mengalir dan aku plak cuba sedaya upaya untuk mmpertahankan air mata aku yg menjerit2 ingin dilepaskan untuk menitis. Suara kau waktu kau sebut nama aku indah sekali. Aku tak tau mcm mana nk terangkan btapa indah suara kau. Tiada bunyi lain seindah itu. Mungkin klu sama pun… dgn bunyi desiran ombak di pantai? Ye. Lebih kurang mcm tu… cukup menenangkan, cukup menggembirakan, dan cukup mengecewakan. Itu kali terakhir aku dgr dari kau…

Esoknye bile aku dtg, aku tau sumenye sudah berakhir. Tapi, aku masih berdiri di sebelah katil Zulaika. Aku tidak berani mnyelak kain putih yg menutup wajahnya. Aku sayangkan die. Aku sayang insan ini dan adakah aku berdosa jika aku takkan berhenti menyayangi die? Aku akan terus pertahankan rasa ini sehinggalah ajal menjemput aku pergi, dan mungkin aku akn dpt berjumpa dgn kau lagi…

~EXTRA~

Novel yg Zulaika tulis sudah keluar. Aku dah lama tunggu saat ni! Tapi, selama ni ego aku sbg lelaki yg menahan dan menafikan titisan air mata dari menitis itu telah pecah dgn ayt yg Zulaika semadikan di ats novel itu; “aku mencintai seorg lelaki yg takkan bersamaku bile aku dah tiada tp sentiasa ada dekat dihatiku hingga saat terakhir. Aiman, aku tau inipermintaan yg agk mementingkan diri sendiri tapi, bolehkah kau terus ingat aku walaupun aku sudah tiada?”

JOURNEY TO DESTRUCTION (written a year ago)

It was on that fateful day at the end of the year 2006 when it all started. It was supposed to be a very meaningful day of celebration for my people but it turns out to be a meaningful day of pain to me and my family.

It was the first day of Aidil Fitri and my parents got in a huge fight that leads to their divorce. At first, we all started to look at it on the bright side. We thought that we could get more money when our parents got divorce by asking from both of them allowances. Yes, it is pretty bright on that side of the horizon. But, there’s an unknown darker horizon heading towards our heart.

It’s painful… It’s not only your mom or dad who would feel the pain. The children’s involved will also feel the pain. And I feel that pain.

I remember those times when my dad used to go out at night to meet his friends, I would always be sitting in front of the TV waiting for him to come back. But, this time, I will not wait because I know that my dad won’t be entering that door anymore. It’s just the pain of knowing that the comfort you used to feel when he’s around would no longer be felt by you. Things will never be the same again. I wasn’t the same…

At first, I started to flunk in my exams and be rude or anti-social to the people surrounding me. Then, I went to clubs to have fun and try to forget about it all and I even flirt around with boys and lose myself. But after a while, the pain still did not ease. It only got worst. I felt more of the distance. I just wish that things would just go back to the way it was. I just wish that daddy is still there for me. I just wish that I won’t end-up like this.

There, I just felt so empty. Nothing’s inside… I don’t feel anything and I don’t care about anything. I don’t mind failing, I don’t mind being in love and breaking up, and I don’t mind being alone. And finally, I took the razor and slit my wrist. For the first time after being lost for so long, I think I’ve found my home. It’s that razor… I cut just to feel alive or simply just to feel anything at all. I can forget but soon after that, I also regret it. It didn’t do me any good. It drew people away from me and I also drew myself away from people. Now, I really am alone, just the way I wanted it to be. I left home, I left my mom, I lost contact with my dad, and I live a lonely life.

But, in my heart, they are always there. Who can really forget the times when mom and dad were surprising you on your birthday right after you got back from school by bus with a cake already there on the table including such perfect signature; “Happy Birthday. Love, mom and dad”. Those are such beautiful memories that will never be forgotten by me.

Right now, I am still in the path of improving myself. I’m seeing a counselor in order to help me deal with my self-mutilation. And I’m writing songs, producing music in order to stop myself from doing unnecessary things, it’s just some kind of a therapy and well, I just got talent with music. And I am going back to see my mom soon and look for my dad in the near future. Some things that happened would just crush you down on the floor and broke you into a million pieces. When you’re broken, you can’t see things clearly. Your sight is broken. But as time grew and your sight is renewed, then you’ll see the brighter side of that dark past and just as my people said, there’s must be reasons for things to happen. And the reasons are good. I know more of how pain lets you know that you are alive and I thanked my pain for that.

Hurm..Expressing my feelings (this was written a year ago)

There are loads of memories in the past which I would like to forget. Memories or experiences that shapes the person I am today (well at least Erikson had said so). I used to have such a perfect life (perfect family, perfect boyfriend, perfect education). But now, everything has been broken and nothing seems to heal in any sort of way. (My heart is broken, My trust is broken, My faith is broken, And my life is simply broken.)

I was a caterpillar. So alone and ugly, living with nothing but this harsh skin of mine. But then everything started to change and I become the beautiful butterfly with colorful wings and I could fly freely with this wonderful wing. I was happy. So happy… but then the wings got broken. Why is it broken? I can’t fly. I’m no longer free. I’m no longer happy. I’m now much worse than being a caterpillar. I’m nothing but a broken butterfly…

Perfect family; I used to have a father until a woman steals him away. Perfect boyfriend; I used to know what it’s like to love before death took him away. Perfect education; I used to love my learning environments with peers before betrayal crush them to pieces.

I hope for the one reading this, care to think to life isn’t always as bright as it should be. Once the darkness overwhelmed us, some tend to find the light for the way out, but some tends to stay under the darkness’ spell forever. Well, memories… just what does that means anyway? It means nothing to me now. Does it mean anything to you? I think I tend to forget most of my happy ones now. The painful memories crawl deeper under my skin and I can’t even stop it. The more I try to be happy, the more I fell into pain. Why do I think that way? Hear me…

Rooftop on a Gloomy Day

i want to die there...

i want to be on the rooftop on a gloomy day where the breezes of the wind will hit my wound as i slit my wrist on the rooftop...

it'll be a very beautiful day...

strong winds will blow my hair...

the pain on my wrist will not feel painful anymore...

as the rain started to drop, i'll spread my 'invisible' wings...

i'll fly away from here...from you...from reality...from the pain in my heart...

goodbye...

and i'll fall gracefully as it ends with a loud thud!

hey there

wow...
i'm back here writing...
i'm getting there...
i'll forget him...
but i won't forget our happy memories...
they are precious to me so i won't forget..
but i'll forget him because he is no longer the one i used to loved..

ESL WEBSITE EVALUATION

1. What does the application attempt to “teach”?

The application is attempting to teach English by providing all sorts of activities for teachers to use in their teaching and also for students to try for themselves as well. There’s a link provided for teachers (iteslj.org/t/)which includes ongoing projects that teachers can use or contribute to. Online textbooks are also provided here. There’s another link for students (http://a4esl.org/) where thousands of activities provided there for ESL students to help them study English.

2. What sorts of things is the application user expected to do with regards to learning the content?

The things that the students do is to simply answers the activities provided in the web to improve their English. For example from the link (http://iteslj.org/v/ei/) from the webpage, ‘Vocabulary Quizes Using Images’. There are lots of links regarding nouns, verbs, and adjectives in this link and the students can pick either one to answer regarding to which part of vocabulary that they would like to improve. For example, Nouns: Clothes and Accessories (http://iteslj.org/v/ei/clothes.html), we must first click on the ‘start’ button at the page. And then, the web will provide pictures for the students and the students will pick the correct answer. if the correct answer were given, the page will show “CORRECT” sign for the students and if it’s wrong, the page will show “WRONG” and gave the correct answer for the students to view and for all the wrong answers, the web will automatically repeat the question with tiny remark on top of the questions ‘try this one again’. There are also ‘restart’ button to do the quiz all over again and also ‘about’ button for further information.

3. What sorts of computer skills is the application users expected to have in order to operate/access/use the application?

The skills that the users need will only be the basic skills of using a computer and internet. They will definitely need to have internet access to use the web in their learning. And then, by clicking on the link to the webpage, they can immediately start using the application.

4. While you are “playing”/”accessing”/”assessing” the application, does it remind you of anything you do in a classroom, or with a teacher, or with a fellow classmate, or in self-study?

No. When I was young, my teachers in school do not use computers or the internet in their teaching thus, I never experience using it at all before. But, I do answers these quizzes for self-studies before.

5. Can you pinpoint some theories of language learning and/or teaching underlying the application?

I think it can be related to cognitive and constructivism theories of language learning. Cognitive theories includes ‘role of mistake’. In the web, it does help the students when they make mistakes. Meanwhile, constructive theory can be applied since it is an independent learning process.

6. How well is the constructivist theory of learning applied to the chosen website?

The constructivist theory of learning applied to the website is very well because the student in involving themselves in independent learning and the students is building themselves in what they had already learn. With their existing knowledge in English, they apply the knowledge by using the application and therefore gather new knowledge themselves through the process.

7. In 1980s and early 1990s, there was a major debate on ‘whether the computer was “master” of or “slave” to the learning process (Higgins and Johns, 1984). In relation to your evaluation - was the computer a replacement for teachers, or merely an obedient servant to students?

I would be one to say that the computer could never be a replacement for teachers. They can be of help to teachers in the teaching but it could never be able to replace teachers because having a teacher is a necessity. Teachers are human beings and therefore, they can understand students better and motivates them. A computer is indeed an obedient servant to students. We use them to do our assignments and any spelling errors will be checked by them and get corrected. That’s all that they do. And they can even gave us access to the internet in order for us to gain more information in any matters we’re of interest at.

8. Would you like to use the application yourself in your future work?

Yes. I’ll definitely use the application in the future because as a future teacher, I think that it’ll be beneficial for my students if I use this application. However, several factors might intrude my intention since in schools nowadays, not all of them had enough access to the internet or even provided with computers in classrooms. So, it will be a difficulty to inculcate such learning. Nevertheless, I can still use the web as guidance in my teaching and also a source for me to improve myself with my English.

Suggestions / Recommendations: I think however, the instruction should be clearer. In some of the activities provided, I don’t quite understand what it wanted me to answer at first.