4 years ago....

that was the moment when i asked myself, "How long will this last?"
being in happiness for so long; it's impossible for it to stay that way forever...
i knew somehow that it's going to end but somehow now i wish that i never asked that to myself...
three years feeling no pain, as if everything were so perfect...
now that i had ended, how long will this pain last?

Suicide...

i do thought of commiting suicide...
but somehow i am still alive...
i took the knife trying to slit my wrist but my hand shakes...
i cut it but not deep enough, it only turns out to be scratches...
it hurts though when it hits water...
i guess i am just afraid...
it's the fear that stopped me from doing it...
i guess those who had commited suicide was fearless and really do got nothing to lose...
but, i am in fear... i am in fear to my God... i am in fear of losing my life...
the only way to get my suicide is by writing it down...
it's funny to think how writing had saved my life...

Unsettled Feelings

well, i used to ask him to carry me as his burden no matter how heavy i am...
but now, i'm not sure of my feelings anymore...
i do think about him but not as much as before. it's like my world no longer revolves around him.
before i sleep, i would think of him but i always find ways to deverse my thought...
i guess, i had lost my faith in him...
from now on, whatever will be, will be...

This is me...

Nick name: n1kk1evil, lay rules, nikky, pretty suicide

Those are my names. Well none of them are my real names anyway. It's just what people know me in the internet.

Here is the place where i would express my feelings and thoughts on everything..

Thanks...