it's been a while, huh?

30/07/09

I left home for a few days before. To be honest, I don’t really get there to do my work. I do wanted to do it but, I never get to do it anyway. The truth is; I just wanna be alone for a while. It’s not that I don’t like being with my family. God knows that I love them so much. Even if I tell them how I really feel inside, even if I show them just how broken I am to them, they would still not be able to understand. I knew what’s coming. The shouting, they will only yell at me for the things that I’ve done. And it will hurt me even more. Yes, I know I am wrong. I know I am not a good daughter and not much of a good sister. And I am so sorry… it’s all that I can say to my mother and my dearest sisters. I’m sorry that I had to hide this part of me which is loosening up inside of me. I can’t tell them that I slit my wrist or that I have gone too far from the right path of life. I know one day I will be better. I know I am wrong now. I might die and go to hell anyway. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just too much things that had happened and they all made me give up. I gave up on everything. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I seem to fail in every way. My friend said I’m crazy. Hell, maybe I am crazy. So “I’m sorry” is all that I can say. You guys might kick me out one day and I might have to live all alone without seeing those faces that I love so much anymore. I love you guys so much that I never even wanted to be loved in return because if you love me, I will only hurt you. It hurts for you guys to see me this way. I’m sorry…

p/s: didn't get to write much so far... i'm lost in life, lost in my heartbreak...